Gatecrashing My Teenage Daughter apos;s Gap Year Gave Me Back My Mojo

Holding the fat, hairy body of the dead tarantula gingerly between my thumb and forefinger, I took a deep breath, tugged off a leg and popped it into my mouth, chewing with feverish concentration.
It was crunchy, a little salty...

not too bad, but my daughter, filming the scene on her mobile, was incredulous.
Not only had I followed Flo out to the Far East to meet her at the end of her organised gap year trip, but I'd haggled loudly over the price of a pick 'n' mix deep-fried insect selection in the market (much to her embarrassment). 
Louise Atkinson agreed to extend her daughter Flo's (both pictured) trip into Vietnam for several weeks and treat her to a few posh hotels and spa treatments - if she could join her
Now her mother - who has a profound phobia of spiders - was swallowing one.
I had done plenty of intrepid travelling when I was my daughter's age, but then I married, had a family and packed my wanderlust away.
Travel, like everything else for the past 20 years, became all about compromise and holidays morphed into blustery camping trips and cheap all-inclusive beach hotels.
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Then suddenly our eldest child was leaving home via a lengthy back-packing trip through Thailand and Cambodia, and I couldn't control my envy.
As her departure date neared, I felt increasingly old and washed up. 
She was about to do the thing I used to love and hạ long I was facing the prospect of an empty nest while juggling the indignities of menopause, ever-encroaching greyness, creaking joints and gathering wrinkles.
The duo enjoyed cocktails on the bank of the Mekong River in Cambodia as part of a luxurious four-day cruise with Aqua Expeditions
They back-packed through Thailand and Cambodia - pictured perfecting the selfie in Hanoi and Halong Bay
So I offered her a deal: I'd pay to extend her trip into Vietnam for a couple of weeks and treat her to a few posh hotels and spa treatments if I joined her.
It was a selfish undertaking, but I convinced my husband (and everyone else) this would be a special last slice of mother/daughter time together.
Secretly, I wanted to see if I still had it in me, and if I did, I wanted my daughter to be impressed and inspired. 
I'd always banged on to my children about taking life by the horns and living every precious minute to the full, and this was me properly walking the walk.
The upside of travelling with your teen is the easy familiarity and the deep sense of maternal satisfaction you get from being able to pass on nuggets of life-changing wisdom.
I'm sure I annoyed her at times, but I think secretly she was a little bit impressed with how I pushed boundaries for both of us.
Louise feared she would feel old and mumsy on the trip, but instead felt liberated and 15 years younger 
I had hesitantly left huge gaps in our itinerary so we could have the freedom to roam and wouldn't always know where we were going to sleep each night - and discovered the true joy of spontaneity shines so much brighter if you let yourself get a little bit scared in the process.
Travelling with your teen does have its challenges, such as living with the total lack of sugar coating you might get from a friend, or partner (everyone heard her shout ‘God, you're so embarrassing!' when I emerged from the loo with my T-shirt and all the dangling straps off my back pack tucked into my knickers).
My generous offer to pay made her an occasionally expensive companion, kynghidongduong.vn and I found myself pandering to her demands to eat at restaurants when I yearned to perch on plastic stools under a dangling lightbulb at roadside food shacks.
But her sniffer dog antennae for free wifi meant we were connected with home within seconds of arriving at each destination. 
And she taught me social media skills and the art of the perfect ‘selfie' (click continually while changing expressions, then self-edit or delete the lot if they are not flattering).
The duo developed a mutual respect for one another rather than being mother daughter 
They tried out new adventures, like swapping travelling by taxi for an ox-cart (pictured)
I'm left with a series of joyful photos in which I look deliriously happy and 15 years younger. 
But the truth is I felt 15 years younger the whole time I was there, and the euphoric blood transfusion effect still lingers.
I had worried that I'd stand out in the backpacker cafes as a slightly sad, ageing relic, but on this trip I wasn't old and I wasn't mum - I felt utterly liberated.
It really struck home one morning when I caught Flo eyeing herself in the bathroom mirror, muttering a phrase that tainted much of my adult life: ‘Will I ever be skinny, du lịch hạ long blonde or tanned enough...?' 
And I realised none of that matters to me any more.
I might be older, but I can climb 500 steps to a temple in the clouds in searing 40c degree heat and enjoy the warmth of sun without having to worry.
Has this trip changed me?

Hell yes. 
Louise says the trip has given her self-belief, knowing that she can climb 500 steps to a temple in the clouds in searing 40C degree heat and enjoy the warmth of sun without having to worry 
The mother-daughter pair bonded over the course of the trip, pictured at sunset in the Mekong River
I had thought it might be a last gasp of motherhood and a frantic clutching at precious days together, but it turned out to be a profound release.
I returned full of vigour and bursting with love for my amazing husband who held the fort, allowing me to remember how to be the fun, vibrant, brave and feisty woman he fell in love with.
The empty nest holds fewer fears now.
It was so heart-warming to spend concentrated time with my daughter and witness, first hand, just how composed and self-assured she has become.
Flo was such a shy little girl and I'm still haunted by the memory of having to join her first ballet class when she was five because she refused to let go of my leg.
And after luxuries like lounging by the pool at the Raffles hotel in Phnom Penh (pictured) Louise appreciated her husband more on her return 
Throughout her teens I tried to gently guide her, making it my mission to try to protect her from some of the stupid mistakes I made (particularly with boys). 
But now I can see she will weather the storms of adulthood.
I have complete faith, now we have this shared experience and our relationship has evolved as a consequence to being less about parent-child and more based on mutual respect with a close bond.
On the last day of our trip, I waved her off in a taxi (my flight left later), confident that she would be ok. 
And I set off in search of a stinking, sweaty market to perch on a stool with the locals and tuck into a plate of spicy crickets.
A version of this article appears in the current issue of Woman & Home magazine.
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